it's still hot, i'm still lonely, and i'm still drinking wine. an email to my father:

hi.

i've thought and thought and thought about it...... i'm not going to be taking that job. as nice as the 9 - 5, monday - friday, traveling, and benefits sound.. it's not something i want to do, to even try, even for 6 months. i don't want to settle on the first job that comes along, i want to be excited about going to work and with this job, i don't feel it at all. there is something else better out there for me and i need to keep trying to find it. los angeles is too big of a city for me not to be able to find something else.
what do you think? i am trying to make you and mom proud of me and me at the same time, too, but i still need your advice.

daughter

ps- i found a orthodox church near by, will be going there tomorrow for mamie <3

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there is all this bravery growing inside of me, there is no other way.

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One Art - Elizabeth Bishop The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. --Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.