i'm taking that job, for all obvious reasons. i have to start somewhere and it comes as no surprise that i get no support or even a pat on the back from you. more sappy-ass poetry:


Red Meat - Staceyann Chin

I have given up meat
the way I have given up you
without enthusiasm

The flesh still pulls at me
and I am trying to refuse
because no one is ever the better
for acting against the urge of self preservation

My body is screaming
its mantra of enough is enough

We are less likely to kill each other
if we bleed in different zip codes
if we ration our intake of one another

Dying is sometimes faster
than the living
lessons have to be taught
lifetime after lifetime

some animals never learn
and so they return to the table as steak
not rare enough or over done
no one enjoys the stubborn ass of an animal
standing its ground out of habit

the time has come for us to move on
to pull something from this cycle of will contesting fate

So I am letting you go
we both know how the dried crust of our passion
pulled us this way and that
it matters not whether we were in love
or whether we often compromised with ground turkey
the jive is up
our cups are filled with new possibilities
other comic tragedies are yet to be conjured
let us push our injured carcasses toward healing
let us forsake this glut of obligatory feeling
threatening to leave us heavy and poisoned by our choices

---

eventually, eventually, eventually. this will stop, and i will stop, and we.. well, we've already stopped. i can not believe that there is no one else out there that i could love that is a great as you. and you're not even that great, it's just those handsome good looks of yours that i can't get over. ok, or the way we fit. but everything else has grown and evolved with time. and it will diminish with time as well. looking forward to it.

before leaving i had gathered myself up into the biggest sense-of-self i had ever felt, and now, only 8 days in, i've become a total stranger to myself. except i am radiating out this false confidence into the world that everyone seems to be accepting. i go to the beach daily now.. and now matter how shitty i feel, i am still one of the realest bitches around. no fake tan and no fake boobs and not a smear of make-up on me and my screeching laugh can't be heard from 3 miles away. you'd be in heaven here, i was never your type. but oh well, it all makes me love myself that much more.