in my dream world i would sell my car, pay off my debt, close my eyes and throw a dart at the united states map and move. i would finish my degree online and find a 9-5 job that i would grow to like. i would have my own small one bedroom apartment with minimal decor but books upon books and probably a cat. my hair would be waist long and my body thin and i'd know how to cook and to pay my bills on time. nights would be lonely at first, but i wouldn't mind that. i would walk everywhere or maybe ride a bike and i would forget that i have wasted my prime. at least i still look six years younger than my true age, at least i still have that. i would have friends, we'd have dinner even though i would be single and they married with a chilld. i would take myself back to my twentieth year and think of that foggy morning in october and sigh. then one night or one morning or one afternoon, i would fall in love. not instantly and maybe not even after months of eye contact or maybe it only take a few hours. so we'd fall in love and i wouldn't break him nor him me. the story goes as the story goes and hopefully it will all end in happiness. but in a perfect world, i would sell my car tomorrow.

today you called, you did not apologize.